Letter to Nintendo

Dear makers of Nintendo Wii Fit,

First let me begin by telling you how much I truly love your product. My husband and I have just recently purchased our copy of Wii Fit and have already logged countless hours “working out” with our Mii characters.
Since we are new to the Wii Fit community it only seemed natural that we would run into one or two snags in the system. Our first snag came when we first stepped onto the fitness board. I told the game my height and obviously it took my weight. Well, I’m 9 months pregnant… so my weight has an extra 30lbs tacked onto it. The Wii Fit proceeded to inform me that I am obese.
I’ve got to be honest, I was a little bit offended. I wasn’t given the option to say that the game should subtract 30lbs from my weight because of the pregnancy. I didn’t think it was fair that I had to be thrown into the obese category.
While this little issue really kicked me in my “obese” keyster, the part that truly bothered me was the difference that is made between my character and my husband’s. His weight and height are within the “normal” category and while I am very pleased that my husband is keeping himself healthy I was EXTREMELY disappointed to see the differences in how his character was treated. For example, his character was weighed and measured and when he was found to be “normal” he did a little dance and had happy music played for him. My character, on the other hand, when placed into the “obese” category gets tuba music and pats her chubby little belly. Not cool Wii Fit, not cool.
I don’t know how many of the Wii Fit programmers are women and I’m guessing that a good portion of them have not been pregnant. But, I think it’s vital that you keep a few things in mind while programming these games.

1. Pregnant women are already juiced up on more hormones than a pubescent teenager so using words like “obese” in their general vicinity is NOT going to fly. I’m not making a threat, just stating a fact. Pregnant women are crazy and you’re literally risking your life every time one stands on a fitness board & is told she’s obese. Just saying.
2. Unless you have a ready stash of chocolate that magically appears when a pregnant woman is being weighed in front of her husband and friends, you’re asking for a cry-fest. Now, I don’t know about everyone else but my husband has a rule… whoever makes me cry will eventually cry himself. His name is Wes, watch out for him.
3. If you are going to give users an option to subtract a certain amount of weight because of the clothes they are wearing, you should also give them the option to subtract the amount of weight that their child adds. 7lbs is the most I’m able to subtract and my child ALONE weighs 8.
4. Obese is a mean word. Wouldn’t it be great if the Wii Fit could give women the option of having “pregnant” as their description instead of something as nasty as “obese”?

I’m glad we had this talk. I think it’s important that you consider the feelings of all of your consumers before releasing your product. I’ll be excited to see the new version of Wii Fit that at least gives a pregnant woman a fighting chance at fitness before calling her obese and drawing a fat little version of her.

Sincerely,
Summer Slovak

#7 Asking when the baby is due after she’s already given birth

It’s a common mistake, a lot of people make it. It takes a full 6 weeks for everything INSIDE a woman’s body to shrink back down to a normal size and that doesn’t even take into account the weight that she gained on the outside of her body. It’s natural, she’s going to LOOK pregnant for a few weeks after she is NOT pregnant. I think this post stems back to Post #1 "Are you Pregnant" . It’s just ALWAYS a bad idea to ask that question.

My friend Amy came to church about 4-5 weeks after she gave birth to her baby girl. She was carrying the child in her arms. I mean, the baby was still an infant, it’s not like she was as big as a two year old and someone was wondering when she was going to have the baby. No, she was carrying the newborn child in her arms when someone said “when are you due?” I don’t even know what Amy said but I can imagine what I would’ve said… it wouldn’t have been nice, that’s for sure.

I shouldn’t have to re-iterate this but DO NOT ASK IF SOMEONE IS PREGNANT (asking when someone is due is the SAME THING).

#6 "Are you eating AGAIN?!"

I have found that the majority of people who use this phrase are men. There is the occasional woman who will trip over it on her way to the horror story but mainly this one comes from the male populace. No surprise really, it’s ok for a man to ask another man this question so he just doesn’t know any better.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this one. I sit at a fairly public desk and I’m eating all the time because I get nauseous if my stomach is empty. Seriously, I’ve got food stashed in every drawer in my desk and I pull that stuff out any time I even think “hey, it’s been a while since I’ve eaten.”

I think that a hungry pregnant woman can be directly compared to a hungry bear. When tame a bear can basically be trusted while hungry but… once you put the food in front of them, it’s unwise to interfere.

Now, usually I’m craving fruit these days. It’s a good thing because it keeps the weight off for the most part and I haven’t gained a huge amount since the beginning of this whole thing. That is why I am always shocked and appalled that someone would DARE make a comment about the fact that I am eating peaches straight from the can. Uh, we are in a recession people, I could pour it in a bowl but what’s the point? It’s just creating dirty dishes! Water costs money, hello. All of that aside, peaches or other kinds of fruit are not fattening! Why do I get a “You’re eating AGAIN?!?!” for fruit?

If I were eating 9 cheeseburgers, ok. If I were having trouble fitting my triple chin through the head hole of my shirt, sure. Those are times when it is ok to bring up how much I am eating. But, as long as I look like a NORMAL woman carrying another human being in her kangaroo pouch I SUGGEST WE CUT THE REMARKS TO A MINIMUM!!! Whew, sorry… hormones.
Below I’m going to list a few phrases that might have been used in lieu of “Are you eating AGAIN?”. This list includes things that are STILL not ok to say but that I find prudent to mention. The folks that choose to make comments about this subject need the list.

1. “Didn’t you just eat?”
2. “You’re still hungry?”
3. “Wow, that baby must be hungry!”
4. “LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT PIECE OF CAKE ON YOUR PLATE!!”

Remember these next time you’re in the direct vicinity of a pregnant woman who is eating. You wouldn’t mock a hungry bear, don’t risk it with a pregnant woman either.

#5 Horror Stories

The labor horror stories are something usually saved for the first timer. Friends and neighbors will come from miles around to share their labor and delivery stories. The truth of the matter is that most women, deliver their children without any kind of complications at all. I mean, there are kids running wild around the continent of Africa and they do not have any difficulty getting those kids out. So, why is it that women in more capable countries have that urge to terrify a first timer? I have a few theories…

1. They really don’t remember their labor and delivery. They were so drugged up that any story they have was relayed second hand by their husband or partner who had to witness it. It’s always worse coming from the person witnessing it. That poor husband is helpless and terrified and doesn’t have a clue as to how to soothe his wife’s intense (but normal) pain. You can never trust the story relayed by the husband, it’s tainted because she made him cry. I’d say this probably applies to about 60% of horror stories.

2. Some doctors really are on crack.

3. Sometimes babies don’t come out facing the right way. Sometimes the epidural doesn’t work. Sometimes the C-Section scar doesn’t heal correctly. Sometimes that baby screams for 6 days straight. If all of those things are a possibility then they are ALL normal. Bending and twisting them into a story that terrifies the new mother-to-be is only entertaining for the story-teller.

4. Maybe the story-teller really hates that poor girl she’s telling the story to. Maybe she holds a grudge and this is just one special way to inflict some pain. People are mean, watch out for that.

Whatever the reason, it’s always important to remember that the person sharing his/her horror story truly thinks that their contribution is interesting. It is the pregnant woman’s job to tell them otherwise. I suggest a soft and subtle “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to throw a knuckle sandwich your way.” It’s worked for me in the past and you can always blame it on the hormones later.

#4 "May I touch your belly?"

No. No you may not.

I have not been asked this question a lot. I think it’s because the sarcasm leaves a scent on my body that wards off any overly touchy people. But I know that it happens and I know that perfect strangers think it’s appropriate to ask this question. Alas, it is not. I think it’s a good rule of thumb to remember that the woman will invite you in for a feelski if she deems you worthy. She’s probably way more excited to feel her baby move than you are and she wants to share that with her friends and family. It’s not uncommon for someone to say “would you like to feel the baby kick?” Just wait for it.

However, if you see a woman in the grocery store who is great with child it is very unlikely that she will ask you to feel her bump. It would be inappropriate for her to ask a perfect stranger to touch her body. And… it’s inappropriate for you to ask too. I know, that’s disappointing… the belly calls out to you, you can see the little life in there wiggling around, it’s like a magnet drawing you in. But you MUST resist the urge.

I thought about possibly opening a booth for people to pay to feel the baby kick. I mean, come on… new parents are BROKE! There is NO shame in making a little cash on the side and if nothing else it teaches your unborn child the meaning of hard work. We ARE in a recession and… working hard is a lesson that is lacking in our society today and I think it’s important for all children to learn it, and learn it early. I decided it was a bad idea because it only encourages belly-touchers to continue their odd behavior with unsuspecting pregnant women around the globe.

I knew a girl who had a stranger approach her, lay hands on her unborn child, and begin to pray out loud. I mean… ok, that’s nice. God likes it when we pray and especially when we pray for children. But seriously?!?! Throw a warning out there first!! This poor girl was so terrified by the praying woman’s well intentioned gesture that she just ran away…. And THAT is something God does not like, pregnant women running. It would’ve been so much better if the woman had mentioned “hey, I’d like to pray for your baby, do you mind?” Anything like that would’ve worked.

Bottom line, don’t touch people on any body part other than an arm or shoulder. People like you more when you have boundaries. Trust.

#3 "Maybe you should cut back on the junk food, you're gaining a lot of weight."

That’s right… it happens… people say this.

I’m sure you’ve met the well intentioned woman who had 46 children and knows all of the ways that are best to grow your child. Granted, she probably does know a lot about it, never knock experience. BUT, maybe she just doesn’t know how to politely share her opinion, or maybe her children were born 40 years ago and things have changed a little since then. Whatever her excuse, she is NOT a doctor, which makes it easier to laugh at this comment.

EVERYONE wants to give advice to a pregnant woman. Eat more fish, don’t eat fish. Sleep when you want baby to sleep, just sleep anytime you can. Breast feeding is best, you should bottle feed. Lay on your left side, don’t lay on your back, lay on your right side. You shouldn’t wear those shoes. Don’t stand up without help, exercise more often. Don’t take a bath, do take a bath…. And the list goes on.

I truly think that the worst advice that can be given is advice that has to do with your weight. Again, we fall into the trap of never saying something like this to a non-pg mom so WHY on earth would you say it to someone who is currently in the situation. What would this advice REALLY accomplish aside from making her feel fat? I don’t know about you, but I eat when I feel fat. I know, it’s kind of the opposite way to solve that situation but… I can’t help myself. Eating is my comfort tool.

I’ve been pretty lucky during this first pregnancy to only really crave fruit. I’ve kept my weight down (mostly) and I don’t really have a lot to deal with after Autumn is born because I know exactly how much I’ve gained and exactly how much I have to lose. My mom on the other hand gained something like 80 pounds when she was pregnant with me and she’s a small woman to begin with so stacking 80 pounds on her 5’3” frame is a lot! But both of us received the same well meaning comments about how we should slow down on the weight gain so that we’d have small babies that are easier to give birth to. Lol

Anyway, I think the lesson of this post is to remember that none of us are doctors so we should keep the weight gain comments to ourselves. They have no place in your conversation with a woman who is already on the verge of exploding over the McDonalds being out of Apple Pies.

#2 "You're Huge!"

Every woman hopes that when she becomes pregnant she will be the most beautiful pregnant woman that ever lived. There is a feeling of romance that comes with your pregnancy (before the puking starts) where you imagine your little basketball sized belly and the nudges you’ll feel when your baby rolls over. But for some of us… those dreams end far too soon.

My friend Rebecca is 5’1” tall. She’s an adorable girl but, let’s face it… during pregnancy, there are only so many places that baby can go. By the time she was in her 4th or 5th month she was already running out of room. She was no longer carrying a baby bump, but more like a baby boulder. Her clothes didn’t fit, she was having trouble breathing, she couldn’t sleep, and worst of all she had 4 more months to go!

She worked down the hall from me and every time she came out of her office I would hear someone say “Holy Cow! You are huge!” It wasn’t an excited statement either. These people were not celebrating the largeness that was her pregnant belly but rather making that comment out of pity. Imagine their faces with me if you will… their eyebrows arched down, their bottom lip jutting out into the world’s fakest pout. Yeah, that’s no fun. Rebecca being the gracious and sweet spirited woman that she is would just smile and laugh saying “I know!”

I am sitting here shaking my internet finger at anyone who has ever told a pregnant woman she looked big. Come on people, it’s not acceptable in regular society, why would it be acceptable with a woman who is juiced up on hormones? That’s like saying it to a 14 year old girl, and you wouldn’t do that would you? No. I hope you do this to a pregnant woman who cries a lot. You’ll learn.

#1: "Are you pregnant?"

It’s really quite possibly the worst question that can ever exit your mouth. If you were to stop and think before releasing this question from the locked cage your mother put it in as a child, you would realize that there is never a time when it’s ok.
I was at Target one time (early in my pregnancy) looking for shoes that wouldn’t bother my soon to be swollen feet. I was probably about 4 or 5 months along but still able to bend and move as easily as I had before being pregnant. One of the ladies stocking the shoes asked if I was pregnant and when I was due. I didn’t know her and so I didn’t take so much offense to it but… to me, I had felt pregnant for nearly 5 months now. I could look down and see the changes in my body and was shocked that she even had to ask. I wasn’t immediately offended but later sat thinking about what I must look like, if I don’t look pregnant…?

Let’s take scenario one for instance: You pose this question to a woman who is NOT pregnant.
What was it about her that prompted this question? What she possibly rubbing her tummy and talking to it softly? Highly doubtful. Was she hinting at needing to stock up on diapers before her “bundle of joy” arrives? Unless she’s adopting… this one’s probably a “no” too. If you ask her this question because she “looks” pregnant, just do us all a favor and never speak again.

Scenario two: You pose this question to a woman who IS pregnant.
When you ask her this question you are saying to her “you look fatter… you really do but I hate to think that you’ve simply gained weight since the last time I saw you so I’m going to go for the nicer suggestion which is that you’ve got another person tucked up in there somewhere.” You’re telling her that she doesn’t quite glow as much as she jiggles. Granted, asking a pregnant woman if she is pregnant is never really quite as rude as asking a woman who is not pregnant. But… it’s not nice either.

I think it’s always important to KNOW FOR SURE about someone’s delicate situation before bringing it up. Do you really need to know so badly that you are willing to risk offending this woman to satisfy your curiosity? I submit, no. The rumor mill is still churning and I guarantee you will hear the truth about the extra fluff around her mid-section in time. Until that day comes, just keep this question locked up.


Have you ever asked someone this question? How did it go? What did they say?

Things you NEVER say to a pregnant woman

I have never in my entire life been thrown into a position where someone had the opportunity to insult me to my face. Sure, I had a bully in high school but he was really just so bad at it that I didn’t let it bother me. But, I live in the south so it’s really no surprise that I’ve never dealt with someone being outright rude because… this is the hospitality state, right? However, recently something has changed. I got pregnant.

They tell you in “What to expect when you’re expecting” (the complete pregnancy handbook) about everything you can possibly expect during pregnancy EXCEPT for the rude comments from friends, family, and strangers. Like I said, I’m a rookie when it comes to people being mean to me, so sometimes I don’t even realize that their comment was rude until the next day. I can NEVER come up with a good comeback because most of the time I’m just in so much shock that someone would allow such rude things to come out of their mouth. If they knew how close they were standing to a hormonal basket case, they would keep their observations to themselves. I could at any time turn on the crying fit and THEN you’ll pay. Not so much because I’m crying, but more because my husband doesn’t know what to do when I cry… so if he knows the cause of it, you’re gonna get it.

My husband and I have decided to start this blog so that I can finally get my comeback out there. I needed an outlet to share what I should have said when someone turned to me (in my 3rd month) and said “You’re huge! You must be having twins!” We also thought it would be a good idea to educate the world on things you may and may not say to a pregnant woman. Some people obviously just don’t know and we’ll have this blog to point them in the right direction.

I’d love to hear your ideas or comments about things that were said to you during pregnancy or things that you said to a pregnant woman and regretted.